Saturday, 17 November 2012


A 100 word story for Chuck Wendig's 100 word Flash Friday Fiction Challenge.  Check out his not so mild mannered blog and the other entries here.


image copywrite Almacan

Sophie touched soft skin, felt the ganglion.  The boy grimaced, eyes shiny, tear-filled.  She smiled. He’s courageous.

Cry. No. Big boy, Joey thought, mummy said so.  He swallowed. Let the doctor palp his throat, shivered and hid his scaly feet.  Fever racked him.  The rash between his toes itched. reptilian scales advanced up his legs. Like mummy metamorphosed - a giant lizard, from feet up. 

It was metamorphovirus, some became reptiles, others rats or birds.  He’d heard of a girl who became a fish. Drowned on air.  The doctor smiled, unaware. Joey feared her reaction.  She’d lock him up.


  1. Nice use of the hundred words. Already has things interesting and creates attachment with the characters.

    1. Hi Jeremiah, That's the best critique I've had yet. It makes me happy to hear that you feel the characters. I've been working on my character empathy.

  2. Lovely idea for a story and vivid in flashes.

    I think that this is actually a story in five parts rather than three though; the beats don't seem to match the spacing.

    The first part puts you into the scene, establishing a bond.

    I think the end of "hid his scaly feet" is a good place to break: he has acted.

    The rest of the paragraph makes sense, a situation of increasing peril, a comparison against his mother's illness.

    In the third paragraph, I think everything up to "reaction" is flowing, building to the big reveal (you might want to imply the "and" after unaware, by changing the comma to a semi-colon).

    Finally, I think "She'd lock him up" is a great, punchy end line.

    Anyway, this is just me thinking out loud... and, ironically, in far more than 100 words!

    1. Hi James,

      Thanks for the crit. I see your point about where to break, it makes sense. The comma should be a period after unaware. The last sentence should be Joey feared her reaction; she'd lock him up.

      Thanks again,